An 11-Foot Python Bit This Man’s Penis While He Was On The Toilet (Graphic)

It’s a crippling fear we’ve all had at one point or another, but it’s never been more than that. It’s always just been a fear. Aside from urban legends that kids tell on playgrounds about their cousin’s cousin’s best friend’s brother, you never actually hear about a creature coming from the depths of a toilet to attack someone’s genitals.

The fear of having this happen falls somewhere between monsters under your bed and psycho murderer clowns in your closet. It’s scary, but it’s never going to actually happen.

Until now. Now it’s an actual fear you should have because some dude in Thailand had a python bite his "you know who" while he was sitting on the toilet, and now I’ll never NOT feel my dong 🍆 isn’t on the verge of being anaconda’d when I’m trying to live my life.

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay, a 38-year-old from Chachoengsao, was hanging and having a super awesome day in his home when the thing no one ever expects to happen actually occurred: a python from the depths of hell reached up from the toilet and bit his "you know who."

After the python chomped down on his lil' Boonmakchuay, Atthaporn reportedly restrained the snake with a rope and then collapsed because of blood loss. He was rushed to a nearby hospital in Bangkok and is now recovering.

And for the snake? Well, an emergency crew was able to free the python from the toilet using hammers, and it was actually released back into the wild where it can live out its days thinking about the good old days biting stranger’s dicks 🍆.